Walking into the Ripley-Grier studios to audition for Laurey in the National Tour of Oklahoma was a stellar experience...

A friend who is working in casting in the city called while I was on vacationing in Massachusetts and asked if I would like to audition. 5 minutes later I had an appointment for the next week. I had an appointment, but no music, no headshots, no resume, no dance shoes, no dance clothes, and no confidence that I could succeed at this audition. As time passed, my angst slowly morphed into excitement.

I had my photographer express mail me some headshots...
Found and edited my resume...
Called my LA residing cousin who we just happened to be meeting in NY and asked her to bring her dance shoes...
Found and printed off music from MusicNotes.Com...
Booked a session with the most wonderful audition coach in the world...
Practiced my music...
Prayed a lot...
Found friends to host our stay...
Bought a binder and sheet covers at Walgreen's...
Edited my music at Kinko's (Okay, I watched Derek do it)...

Finally in the city, I met up with a coach who took a bunch of notes and predictable performance
and made it magic. After the session, I was so excited that I had zero anxiety.

I walked into the Ripley-Grier and was surprised how beautiful it was. I really appreciated the color on the walls, lamp light, and the calm and friendly spirit of those auditioning. I walked in, did my audition...sure I was a bit nervous and it wasn't as free as the day before...but, I really felt good about the work. Alas, I retrieved naught but a "thank you" at the end of my performance.

I felt that perhaps they were looking for those really "big" voices which is just not me...light lyric soprano...not make the chandelier crash...

It really doesn't matter. What matters is that I had a good audition and I felt peace afterwards. I was not sad at all until later that night driving home as doubt settled in...

My mom texted me and asked, "How are you doing Jen?"

I wrote back, "Honestly I am a little sad a feeling small. I have been so happy and peaceful all day. I'm sure it will go away soon."

Her reply: "You are small 'Lil Teensey' but you have a great heart and amazing talent. Don't let it get you down. I believe in you..."

So what? People audition in NY all the time and experience rejection. You're new right? Welcome to being an actor.

So now I am happy again...but something has been stirred up inside me...I see this picture of the skill-level that I could be at. It's realistic. It's achievable. That's why it's maddening. It takes time and money to get there...

Sigh. It doesn't really make any sense to try to run in water. I must learn to swim. To make the most of the opportunities around me and delight in the moment.